A massive blow

Yesterday, I got news that felt like a massive blow to the head. I found out my daughter is sick. I had always known that she was a sickly kid, but yesterday I found out that there are reasons. Without going into to much detail, she has allergies to many common household allergens, meaning to control her illness, we have to remove carpets from her room, and repaint- be clean to an almost OCD level, do daily stretching/massage and that is just a couple of things from the 5 page list. She could also be a ceoliac, and worst of all have an immune disorder which would explain her constant illnesses. She still requires at least 3 more surgeries (she's already had 12 procedures) this year or the beginning of next, and she has to brave through this oncoming allergy season with no real immune function.

My list of things to do, people to consult with and research areas is enormous, and I'm feeling so depressed, and totally overwhelmed. I am entirely sure that she can be cured, naturally, holistically, but I just don't know where to start. I am blessed to have friends who are more knowledgeable than me in holistic medicine and nutritional therapies - and they have told me they are on board to help. I am blessed to have friends like them, and I know that in the end, my girl will be fine - but right now I'm mentally spent - still dealing with the bloody cows/farm fencing issues (which will end up costing over a grand to fix) and the stresses of the kids being sick, and now all of my daughters health problems compounding my stress.

Today I can't stop crying, the smallest thing set me off Mr.CK rang me to try to ease my mind about the fencing issue but spoke grumpily to me and set me off again. I hung up on him, and when he rang back 10 minutes later, the sound of his voice was enough to start me bawling again.  I am so overwhelmed with trying to process what I need to do to help my daughter, I don't even know what to do.

It is so unfair to have a child who has spent her whole life being sick, feeling pain and having surgeries. I know there are many, many people who are worse off than us, and going through real struggle and adversity, and usually remembering that, and seeing how lucky we are to lead such a privileged  life reinvigorates my spirit, but today it does not. Today, all I can do is cry for her.

I haven't trained for 2 days, Wednesday is my rest day, and yesterday, I was too upset and unmotivated. I don't really want to train today, I'm not sure if it will just exhaust me more or give me a little bit on an energy pick me up. I know that it is really important for me to look after myself and continue working on fixing my own health problems so I can be there to look after my daughter, but all I really want to do is curl up in bed and cry.

The only thing that has made me smile so far today, is knowing that despite how shitty I feel, and how broken my spirit feels today, I haven't deviated from my food plan in the last couple of days. Normally these feelings of helplessness and upset would send me to seek solace in food. I have not done that. I feel good about that.

Perhaps I will train, in the hope that it gives me the pick me up I need to start looking at this situation more optimistically.