Today I totally had my cranky-pants on. More cow/fencing issues, requiring me to work till after dark repairing fences (with no real idea of what the hell I was doing) which annoyed me so much, considering I hadn't even slung my gym bag into the house or seen my two (yep two) sick kids. My poor hands are scratched sore and bleeding from fencing wire, and I stupidly forgot the I had a really sore knee, and I knelt on it quite hard while twitching some wire to the bottom of the fence.
The whole time I was chasing stupid cows and fixing stupid fences today I felt crap, totally resentful of the fact that I was doing it, despite it not being my responsibility - and hating the fact that I wasn't spending time with my poor sick children. I dreamed of two things...... cigarettes and coke - ok maybe three things.... chocolate too! For several hours, while wearing my cranky-pants, I thought of all my old crutches. I wanted them, and I wanted them badly.
I'm proud that I didn't indulge in any of the things I fantasised about - I know a few days ago, I would have. It was a close call today, but I stayed strong. I hope tomorrow is a better day, I'd like just a little less stress - and I'd love to stop worrying about these bloody cattle destroying my orchard, and eating all my kale!
If they don't watch themselves, I'll reconsider my vegetarianism!
~.~.~.~.~.A blog about trying to find myself ~ or at least a better version of me - on a journey toward wellness.~.~.~.~.~ A new body, new mind-set, vitality, energy, new friends, and hopefully a new life - one that is filled with passion!
Well done on beating that demon. That is a huge part of the battle. Sorry to hear your little ones are ill, we have our 4 kids that have been swapping illnesses for the last few weeks, so I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteFencing is no easy task, so just think of the workout you got there without planning it and the work on muscles that you probably didn't know you had or wouldn't have used.
Well done.