A new me

I had another one of those epiphany moments today. I was thinking about my journey so far on the 12WBT, I have had a really shitty 10 weeks. I rolled my ankle and couldn't train for the first few weeks of the program, my Dad was going through chemo and radiation, then we had to make an impromptu and really expensive trip to Melbourne for his surgery. My daughters health problems escalated to a really scary peak, and we have had to make some really extensive changes in our home, our diet and our lifestyle to help her with her health issues. I have had health issues, finding out my liver, kidneys and thyroid are not functioning well, I've injured my shoulder which has meant I need to change my training, and take it a little easy at the same time. A friend's kindergarten aged daughter was diagnosed with inoperable cancer, which really upset and depressed me, my great uncle suffered a major stroke and my Nan has had health issues also.

The old me, the  me I was several months ago, she would have quit. She would have used every single one of the things that were going badly as an excuse. The new me, she isn't a quitter - she is different. I joined 12WBT not for the nutrition (because I'm a nutrition junkie) or for the exercise program (because I hated exercise and didn't want to do ANY), but for the mindset. I wanted to change the way I think. I can say I am completely different now, both inside and out! I have learned to focus on the positives, I have lost 8.5kilos so far this round, and that isn't the numerical loss I wanted. Instead of focusing on that, I choose to focus on the fact I have lost over 72cm's and have gone from a size 22, to a 16-18. I have learned that I am important, and deserving of a healthy body. I can't change anyone else, only myself. If I become strong and healthy, I will be better equipped to help the people that I love through the difficult times they are going through.

Doing the 12WBT program, has helped me see the difference between reasons and excuses. I will carry that with me for ever. Michelle's mindset videos have taught me so much, and for that I will be forever grateful. I have also been blessed to befriend some truly amazing people in a 12WBT support group on facebook. Team Shuffle. We are so named because 'every day we're shuffling'. The people in that group have offered me love, kindness, friendship  support and a kick up the arse if it has been warranted. I believe that having people in my life who are experiencing the same things as me in my life, is crucial for my success. We are all going through life's traumas and dramas, but we aren't letting them stop us! We all have our good weeks and bad, but we are getting through them together!

I have developed a LOVE of training that I honestly never thought was possible. When I filled out my gym sheet for the personal trainer about 11 weeks ago, I answered the question "What forms of exercise do you prefer" with the answer 'NONE - I HATE IT ALL" (I was the first ever to write that apparently). Now I do at least 4 sessions a week. This week, I told my trainer I was going to go to every session she was running. She is running 8 - and so far, I've nailed 5 sessions! I injured my shoulder on Monday during the first session, but haven't let that stop me. I told the trainer, she's revising my training plan, and I'm still putting in 100% at training. I can't describe the feeling I have when I have finished a session, I'm exhausted and exhilarated all at once. Even though I'm almost always sore, I have never felt better. When my head hits the pillow now, I sleep. I am tired and exhausted because I worked hard! That is a really good feeling!

I guess what I really wanted to say with this post, is that 12WBT has changed me in a way I never thought would be possible. I have become a new me, and I am a happier, healthier and more confident version of myself than I ever thought possible. I couldn't have done it without 12WBT and my shuffle crew, but more importantly, I couldn't have done it if I'd continued to let excuses rule my life!

Getting Tired

So I'm loving this being under 100kg thing. Even when I'm tired it feels like a better quality of tired. I don't feel like a slack, lazy, useless bitch kind of tired, more like a I worked my ass off at the gym, or I went for a huge run and I'm knackered kind of tired. Compared to the tiredness of 2 months ago, it's awesome. There is something to be said for working hard to get tired....

I have just gotten home from the gym, and I am knackered - I worked out with another 12WBT friend and we had a great time, and we are going back for more tomorrow! Perhaps we're crazy - but it feels great to work out till we're tired!

Eye opener!

I have had an amazing week! I saw my naturopath and had a physiospect test. A physiospect is a diagnostic machine that can tell you about inflamation and disease to a cellular level. I have been telling my doctor for about 2 years that I thought I had issues with an underactive thyroid, because despite working out really hard I have trouble with weight and at times have been so fatigued hat an hour of exercise has made me need 4+ hours of sleep afterwards.  They finally did tests to say it was 'slightly' under-active  but within the normal numerical limits.

When I had the naturopathic test, I found I have a very under-active and under-performing thyroid, which has been putting an excessive amount of pressure on my kidneys and liver. I  have been juice fasting to help relieve some of the pressure on my body, which has lead me to have an abundance of energy! I lost 3kg this week, and managed quite a lot of exercise.

Today I'm lagging a little energy wise, but still feeling really good - I promised the kids we can go to the gym/PT this afternoon, so I am hoping to find some energy this afternoon!

Out of the box.

I woke this morning feeling a million times better. I had the kids on the bus early and decided to go for a bike ride in the beautiful sunshine. With RN in my ears and the sun on my shoulders I was off. I was feeling some tightness in my lower back after the first 2.5km, at the halfway point of my ride, I have the option of stopping or doing another 2.5. My lower back was telling me to stop, but my head and heart made me keep going. I walked gently up a massive hill, then continued on my ride. By the end of it, I actually felt much better and my back/hip had loosened up.

I have a session with my little workout group and our PT this afternoon, which I'm really looking forward to now. I'm feeling more energised than I have in weeks and feeling positive and ready to move forward toward my goals.

I'm even heading into the workshop today. I have been uninspired recently when it comes to my work. It's been quite a while since I've been in the workshop, I've kept all my study to design theory lately, and working on assignment based design work. My pain has had me unable to do heavy work for such a long time, but I'm feeling much stronger, and venturing into the workshop is not intimidating at the moment.

I have also been seriously questioned my role as a local designer.  Our local market is flooded with people whose idea of 'design' is to paint it white and knock it back. Most of these items have no design flair and are about 4 years behind trend at the exhibitions, and 2-3 years behind the retailers in Melbourne. These backyard hobbyists are swooping over the local buy-swap-sell sites and freecycle sites, fighting over furniture, paying nothing, painting it white and charging ten times what they paid - and people lapping it up.

I am wondering how the local designers, who have spent years studying, learning to create fine furniture with amazing joinery techniques and original designs, using amazing materials are able to compete with some of these back yarders... people in the area that I live aren't prepared to pay for quality design - so where does that leave me? Do I join the back yard mob, do I continue with trying to produce high quality furniture with innovative design - in an area that is full of designers (and a small population who can't service us all) or do I design for myself, create what I love and focus my energy into the mountain of jobs that could be done around the farm/house.

I think I'm set on the latter. I've no desire to compete with the backyarder's and the market is flooded by the hundreds of other graduates of our wonderful design course - many who are amazing makers and designers that produce high quality furniture. It is unfortunate the amount of highly talented designers who are working in other fields because it's so hard to make a living in this area in the field of furniture.  I will design for myself, family and friends, and save my crazy design ideas for a hobby, that will give me time to focus on cleaning up the farm, planting veggies, preserving, cooking and working on my hobby from my home workshop. The three and a half years that I have studied design won't be wasted on me, because I love design, and I always will. My years of study have opened my eyes to a world that never existed to me before, and with everything I make, and everything I upcycle, I will use the skills I've learned. I will always have a love for design in my life, but I need to move forward, as I am with all other areas of my life.

Today however I will work. I am working on a bookshelf to house a library that has been stuck in a box for a long time, desperate to get out. I'm thinking I'm a bit like my books, I've been trapped inside a box, unwilling and unable to do what I want to do, do what I love - because I had no energy. I'm so glad that about 2 months ago, I had the box open and I've gotten out. I'm glad I've found the energy to want to get back into the workshop, glad that I'm able to take time for my hobby, and glad that I'll be working on my bookshelf, that has been left abandoned for months! Loving the energy I have today!

Up's and Downs

It's been almost two weeks since I've logged in to the blog. Firstly, the blog's received over 2,000 site visits. Thank-you! For a blog that's only a couple of months old, and is primarily to vent the thoughts from a crazy woman's head to have such a following already humbles me.

I haven't been onto the blog the last couple of weeks as things have been busy, upsetting, busy, and then just a bit full on. My last post was from Melbourne, where I was visiting my Dad who was in hospital after having major surgery. His recovery has been up and down, and it has been very hard to see him like that. Some of the advice that was administered by medical staff appalled me - especially things like being instructed to drink coke (because the sugar will give him energy, and coffee will dehydrate you *aaarrrrrrgggghh) and that fried fish with the batter stripped off is acceptable post-op food, was upsetting for me. I knew the advice was wrong, but he chose to follow it, because they are medical professionals. Throughout his treatment, he's been told to eat processed refined foods, sugars and lollies. I get quite upset by this, because the people who are supposed to heal, are making patients sicker by advising antiquated and ridiculous ideology about food that could come from the 1950's.

The upset I felt sent me on a 3 day binge, I ate meat (after over a year as a vegetarian  drank beer, ate shitloads of cheese and drank a ton of coffee (I was in Melbourne - what's a girl to do) I ate wheat, and I even got drunk and ate McDonalds. I came home from Melbourne with my tail between my legs, and knew I'd have to pay for my 'sins'. I was really pissed off at myself for letting what was happening with my Dad send me to food, because eating shit food wasn't helping him at all, and it made me feel abysmal. The weigh in from Melbourne on foreign scales put me up by a kilo and a half, but after a few days home and some serious clean eating, I got my weight below what it was pre-Melbourne. So my week 6 weight was 500grams less than week 4, which after the binge-fest I had in Melbourne I'm super happy about.

I've had a couple of good gym sessions since I've been home (which may be responsible for my loss post-binge) but have been a bit lazy with exercise. I only trained 4 days out of the last 7. I ran with the PT the other day, and my ankle swelled up again. 6 weeks after the sprain and I'm still suffering, I might have to make another doctor's appointment to have it looked at. I'm also feeling terribly unmotivated. I went to the 12WBT site to see if I could change that and realised I haven't watched any of the videos since week 4. Tomorrow I'm going to watch all the videos and snip tips and I'm setting myself back on track.

 I'm not sure how I'll go this Weigh in Wednesday, because this week, I've had a couple of pretty crappy days with nutrition and like I mentioned, only 4 training days this week. I had a couple of sneaky weigh in's this week, on Thursday, I was only 800g off my less than 100kg goal, and yesterday, I was back up to 102. I must stop these sneaky weigh in's and just wait for Wednesdays! Wish me luck!!!!