Sunday 26 August 2012

Photos and tears

I took the photos tonight. My beautiful daughter pointed a camera at me while I stood humiliated in bra and panties, fat hanging out there for the world to see. I looked at the photos, and it brought tears to my eyes. I have never been more sickened by a photo. I guess by avoiding mirrors, and not being naked, I haven't had to acknowledge what I really look like, and by 'dressing for my size', and 'flattering my curves' I haven't acknowledged it at all.

The cold hard reality stared up at me, and I have to be honest, it was actually quite shocking. I know I'm fat, but I really didn't have any idea what I looked like. I didn't realise just how fat I actually am. It hit me really hard, I am huge, really hideously fat - and so terribly bumpy, lumpy and awful looking. I have barely stopped crying in the last couple of hours.

I guess that is why Michelle wants us to take photos of ourselves in our underwear, because really, there's nowhere to hide once you do. There is no more denial, no more pretending - you have to acknowledge what you see.  I have a friend in the program, she's an awesome support to me - she's put it in perspective for me. She simply said 'You'll never be that size ever again' - and that was all I need to move forward - happily!

I will never be this size again, and at the end of the 12 weeks, my ugly nearly naked photos that caused me so much pain, will just be a comparison alongside pictures of me looking very different.  I will NEVER be this size again, the person in those photos dies today. Tomorrow, a new, happier, healthier and stronger me is being born!

Bring it on!


4 comments:

  1. Good for you Marney. I don't look in the mirror either, I don't want to see the hideous me that hides behind draping clothes. I feel disgusted in myself and have shed many a tear over my weight. I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up with a body to be proud of. :( Don'y cry my love, you have the right stuff to make your dreams a reality and I am sure you will look back with absolute pride in yourself for your accomplishments.

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  2. Good on you!! Those photos are VERY confronting!!! Tomorrow is the start of the new you!! You CAN do it!!!

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  3. Thanks guys. I must say it sure was a confronting process, but today, day 1, was a new beginning. I'm looking forward to working toward a body that is strong, lean and healthy - so the woman in the photos - she doesn't exist anymore! :D

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  4. Good girl, keep that resolve. It is so confronting, but mark my words when you see your photograph in 12 weeks time you will be glad you did this.

    Carol
    www.finding-carol.blogspot.com

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