I quite enjoy blogging, I'm not entirely sure why, perhaps because I feel like I'm 'getting it off my chest' or maybe just because it helps me to process my thoughts and feelings. One thing I am sure of is I love knowing that I'm not the only person who gets benefit from my blog. A lot of the feedback I receive is from people who don't want to comment publicly on the blog for one reason or another but they still want to tell me how reading my blog has affected them personally. That is why I guess I write this blog. To share the love, to share what I learn.
Yesterday's post got a great response. I am struggling, that is common knowledge - and I feel quite alone at times. In this world of social media we are usually surrounded by people, followers, fellow pinners, tweeters or bloggers - so we have millions of friends around us, right? When we have a problem, our friends all stop what they're doing, they close down instagram, they stop pinning, they don't tweet - they call you, or text you or message you to find out what's wrong and how they can help. When you have hundreds of friends on facebook and you're having a shitty day people and let the world know, friends let you know they care......don't they?
I've been thinking a lot about this lately, because when you feel all alone, you start to wonder - do I really have any friends? Or do my friends just have so much going on they don't have time for me? I like to think I'm a good friend to people - if I think they're upset, in pain, struggling, need help, need a laugh or need anything - I'm there for them. So why don't they have time for me? I think it all comes back to social media - people being 'friends' with everyone, but not being there for anyone. Maybe we've become conditioned to believe pressing 'like' to acknowledge that we've seen a post means we actually care? I am starting to look at the individual relationships I have with people and trying to decide if they are really friends. I am starting to see many are not.
Some friends you see are acquaintances. People you occasionally spend time with, usually in a group setting and have a laugh with - usually you have a shared or common interest. Acquaintances are a lot of fun, but not really friends. They don't care much if you've had a bad day, week, or month - usually because they're too busy with all their other acquaintances, you know all 685 of their 'friends'. Often they'll even do nice things for you - especially if it gets them a tweet or status update or an awesome instagram in return - because let's face it, nothing in this world really exists until it's been acknowledged publicly. It's like my biggest pet peeve - people who donate to charity for the qudos. I think a lot of good deeds done by acquaintances are done only to receive acclaim from other acquaintances.
It turns out - since yesterday I have discovered I have a lot more friends than I thought. I have had calls and messages to let me know that they're still there for me. To let me know they miss me and that they love me. To let me know they are there to help me. Conversely, I also have seen quite clearly that I have many more acquaintances than friends. They happily continued to ignore my pain - because the sweet siren song of social media called strongly to them, and it was more important than me. To some people I am just a 'friend' on facebook - one of many hundred people that they can share a reality they've created where they are the worlds greatest family, living in the worlds greatest home, cooking the greatest food, being the greatest parent........ you all know the type. In reality, they're nothing like the illusion they create - but desperately seeking approval, likes, comments etc. I don't want to be a number - someone to like their picture, someone to get jealous of their perfect children, or their perfect home - I want to be me, a person - who is valued and loved.......
So how does this realisation affect my journey toward good health? Easy - any road is easier to travel when you have friends travelling with you. Instead of spreading my time as thin as a crepe by giving time to friends and acquaintances - I am taking the time to work out who falls into which category. The time I have to give will be given to my friends. The ones with who I have emotional reciprocity - the ones who care if I fail or succeed. The ones who love me. The ones who compliment me privately because they notice changes - not the ones who do it publicly to be seen as a supportive friend. The ones who genuinely want to see me succeed. The ones who don't just take, but the ones who give.
So what does this all mean - will I go cold turkey on social media, will I stop looking at photos of peoples kids, homes and families? Will I stop caring about my acquaintances? Will I 'un-friend' everyone on facebook because they don't love and support me? Shit no!!!! Some of my acquaintances are the coolest and most fun people I know. I love spending time with them. For the most part, I love seeing the things they post. I love laughing with them and sharing mutual interests with them. All it means is this - I will try to remember 'friends' aren't friends. I shall endeavour to spend less time on social media. I will give the majority of the time that I used to give to acquaintances to real friends. I will do my damndest to support the people joining me on the road to Wellness.
Today I really want to thank some true friends - both old an new. Each of you has told me things about how this blog has helped you and I really appreciate you letting me know.
The one who is always there - Thankyou. I still can't believe this blog is where it all started.
The guy who adopted me - Thanks for telling me that I was your inspiration to live healthier
The girl who is Darcy's Mumma - Thanks for telling me you love the blog and that it inspres you
The one who paints - Thanks for always responding to my posts - and coming for coffee when I'm sad - I love our chats
The foodie who invited me out Friday - thanks for letting me know you feel alone too P.S - I think Friday night sounds great....I'm working on making it happen! ;)
The one who sparkles - thanks for letting me know my blog helped you to look at your drinking - I love your honesty and hope you are doing well
The one with the Miss Indi - I love knowing you read and it starts conversations between us all the time!
The one with the needles - you are always there when I need an ear, you are awesome
I'm sure I'll upset a couple of people with this post - and perhaps people will think it's about them specifically. It's really not. I think I'm just fed up with a world where people think 'friends' are more important than friends. I plan to make sure my friends know how much I love them. I think then I will be able to approach the next 16 weeks of my life with less baggage knowing the difference between friends and acquaintances.
Finally to my friends - knowing I have you when I'm struggling is what keeps me going. I hope you know that there is unequivocal reciprocity. I would do anything for you guys.
M x
~.~.~.~.~.A blog about trying to find myself ~ or at least a better version of me - on a journey toward wellness.~.~.~.~.~ A new body, new mind-set, vitality, energy, new friends, and hopefully a new life - one that is filled with passion!
Is it bad that I kept wanting to click 'like'? Just kidding... Well, no, I am not. I really do love this post. It rings so true for so many reasons and in so many ways but I want to add something if I may... Having felt so many times, disappointed, in the in-action of others. Wishing that someone would do for me what I would so willingly do for them. I have discovered that so often we expect so much of others simply because we would be willing to give that much of ourselves... Our disappointment in others can even be seen in the positive of 'How fucking awesome are we? That we would happily do what so many others simply do not. And we would do it purely to make someone else smile. Seriously! How awesome is that!'? Thank you for helping me back to the right path...
ReplyDeleteMrs D - I do believe you might be right! Perhaps because I want to be a good friend, I want friends who want to be a good friend to me. I do love the idea of emotional reciprocity - so you know you're not standing on a ledge with your feelings!
DeleteI also do believer you are right that we are fucking awesome!!! And as for helping you back - it's my pleasure. We are in for a most awesome 16 weeks!!! xxx
I do think we have people in our lives for different reasons. Some are for our heart, some for our soul, some for laughter, some just to aggravate us, some to pick us up when we fall, heck some might even push us! Some are fair weathered friends. Some are good and true and forever friends. Some are just for now friends. You just need to know which is which and where they slot into your life.
ReplyDeleteJust thought I'd throw that into the mix.
I like blogging too, it gets things off my chest. Like I'm sending my thoughts out to the universe, sometimes they are caught, sometimes they just keep floating about out there, and it's all cool.
Carol
www.finding-carol.blogspot.com