Day 1 of my 12WBT!

So today is the day! It is my first day on 12WBT - I have to say, I'm really excited about it. I was out of bed before the alarm, and off to the kitchen to make breakfast/lunch for the family (who are my support crew - and are following the eating plan with me) with a song in my heart and a  skip in my step.  The day had started on exactly the right note - and I was excited!

While I'm sharing everything, I must disclose my rather unconventional living arrangement. I live in a house on a farm, with 2 of the most amazing children {Master D. almost 12 and Miss J, 10}  that God put breath into. Outside, attached to my garage/workshop is a little flat, that my estranged husband {Mr. CK} lives in. He is a workaholic who doesn't spend the hugest amount of time at home, and this arrangement works for us, as it means he gets to spend time with the aforementioned amazing children, and for the last 2 1/2 years, this arrangement has proved to work very well for my odd little family.

So back to today...... I wake the children for breakfast, and Miss J drags herself from bed, with a sore tummy and a headache {not unusual for my girl, who is a sick child who misses approx 10 weeks a year of school through illnesses and surgeries} telling me that she really doesn't want to go to school today.  This already throws me off my game, as I hadn't pictured my day with Miss J home. Then Mr. CK comes into the house from his little flat, telling me there is a fresh cow turd on his doorstep, this means there has been a cow in the house yard overnight. This is putting me in a bit of a shitty mood..... so Mr. CK is outside looking for the elusive cow, I'm inside with a sick girl, and trying to get Mr. D organised for school - the cow isn't located, and it's assumed that it made its way back to the paddock...... I make breakfast for everyone but me, and lunch for the menfolk and send them on their way.

With the fellas out the door, and cuddles with Ms. J done for a bit I make breakfast and sit down to eat it, while working out my day and how I'll get training in with Miss J home. Breakky was pretty good, and Miss J was insistent that she'd be ok while I was off on my bike for half an hour, as she had her phone, I had mine and I could be back in a couple of minutes if required. So off to the shed to grab my bike.....

When my bike comes out of the shed, it has 2 flat tyres, and my pump was broken! As mentioned, we live on a farm and I have no desire to go to town today. I ring Mr CK to see if he has one, and he does not, but reminds me that I had to drop a friends birthday present to her today, and that she would have one.  He was right, she did...  and I was again happy. However while I was there dropping off presents and collecting pumps I got a call from Miss J. There was another friggin cow out of the paddock! In the 6 minutes it took me to get home, there were 3 cattle out. So without my sprained, sore ankle in the brace I'm supposed to be wearing, I chase the cattle, with sick Miss J for 20 minutes. My ankle is really hurting by this stage - but we get the cattle contained (albeit one next door).

I come inside, and I'm already buggered, I call the cattle owner, let off some steam and then slump down on the couch. It is at this point, the old me would have given up on the thought of training today..... and the new me had that thought briefly too - but I did not!  I went outside, I pumped up my tyres and I went for a ride.

When I got home from my ride, I asked Miss J to come out into the sun with me while I completed the outdoor circuit from the 12WBT plan. She came outside, she told me which exercise to do, in which order and she cheered me on when I needed it.

Yesterday, this beautiful soul watched me cry after seeing photographs of myself  in underwear.  Master D tried to console me by saying "Mum, you're not fat", Miss J told him, "don't lie to her - she knows she is fat, but she will never be this fat again because she's going to fix herself".  Today, she watched me resist the urge to quit, she watched my muscles tremble as I did push ups, squats, tricep dips, she did burpees with me to encourage me - she watched me with pride in her eyes. It was at the very moment that I saw how proud  my beautiful, strong, fit, healthy and athletic little girl is of her obese Mum, struggling to make it through a workout - I can NOT fail at this. It isn't just my life that has been affected by me becoming an obese, unhealthy and unhappy person - it affects my family. The old me, the me that died yesterday when she saw those photo's, she would have quit - she would have taken the sick child, the cattle, the flat tyres, the broken pump and the sore ankle - and used them as an excuse. The new me needs to be a role model for her son and daughter - because now I know what it looks like to see pride in her eyes and I think I'm addicted to that.

Finding my mojo

I have been really sick for almost a week. I've not gotten out of bed for days, which is very unusual for me. Today, despite still feeling like crap and coughing up a lung - it was a better quality of crap. It is a beautiful day here today, the sun is out and the birds are singing, so me and my not-as-crap-as-yesterday cough decided to go for a run.

 I did have to stop several times to  hock up a lung, but I do have to admit, I feel much better than before I left. I managed to run/walk 5.2km in 57mins, burning 625cals..... not a bad effort for a newbie to exercise.

 If you'd told me a few weeks ago that I would actually WANT to go for a run (especially when I had such a great excuse not to go) I would never have believed you.

I believe I may be starting to find my exercise mojo - and believe it or not, I'm quite excited to go to the gym for my PT session tomorrow! Who'd have thought it!!!!

Now that I'm back, and the exercise endorphins have worn off, I'm feeling sick again, and after a shower - I'll need a rest to get through the afternoon, but I'm really proud of myself for not using being sick as an excuse! I just frikken did it!

Reasons, or excuses?

I am the queen of excuses. If I don't want to do something my brain is a super efficient computer, coming up with great 'reasons' for me not to do it. I think it is really difficult sometimes to identify a true and legitimate reason, and to differentiate between a 'reason' and an 'excuse'.

I have spent the last few years with a huge list of 'reasons' that prevent me from exercising, getting fit and changing myself. The biggest one is illness, I have fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is a bitch! The syndrome is basically constant pain, tiredness and cognitive fog. It is different in everyone, but those three symptoms are pretty universal in most FM people. So for me, the thought of exercising is challenging. I know that exercise hurts, and that even the normal people without FM feel tired and sore after training - I have pain and lethargy before I even start - so why would I want to give myself MORE pain?????? ......But the dirty little secret is, gentle exercise has been proven to reduce symptoms of my syndrome. So my 'reason' for not exercising, not really a reason, it's an excuse.

The program I joined, in an attempt to change my thinking, my habits, and my life is Michelle Bridges 12WBT (12 week body transformation). I won't share specific details of the program on my blog, as I feel it is unethical of me to share the information with non- members, so I will write about my experience with the program.

 A pre-season task had me examine my excuses....... this was a difficult task for me, as I genuinely thought that I had reasons, not excuses. Well after the task, I decided I have no genuine reason not to do this, which means that the only thing standing between me and getting fit, is me. In fact, the only thing that has stood between me and good health my whole life, is me. The only hurdle is my thinking. For someone like me, who has a really hard time with all the soft and fuzzy emotional stuff, coming to terms with the notion that I am fat because of my thinking, because my mindset is wrong is a little hard to handle. But ultimately, my thinking is responsible for my weight, my laziness, my love of sugar (ok, this one might be part addiction), my self-doubt, my self loathing, my lack of motivation perhaps even my sickness.

Since examining my excuses, and coming up with logical solutions to every excuse I have, I now really have no excuse - it is time to change my life, and find my passion!

I'm off for a walk!