A huge week.

This has been a massive week, it's been 7 days since Dad had his surgery, and he is having ups and downs. I am in Melbourne, and have been for a few days - which is a very tempting place. I have been pretty good, only having coffee and cake once - that is like a record for me! I've been stressed, and haven't really succumbed to a binge-fest, so I guess that is a little victory.

The building I'm staying with has a gym, and I worked out yesterday, but not today. I went Ice-skating for the first time ever - and I sucked!!!! It seemed to pick up the pain of every minor injury I have, and make them feel major. I've walked the usual million miles a day I walk in Melbourne, and I'm in so much pain. All in all, I'm having a really crappy run of things. It is really hard to cope watching someone you love not doing so well, especially when external factors are also making my fibromyalgia flare up. I am patting myself on the back for not binging... I'm celebrating the small wins at the moment, as I'm not having big ones. I had a gain this week, but I'm not entirely sure how much, as I was weighing in on different scales, I'll have to see how i go next week when I'm weighing in at home.

What a week!!

I have had a great week, with a small loss of 100grams and lots of good calorie burns. This week on the program, we do a mini milestone, we retake the fitness test, and take our measurements. I am stoked with the results. In 3 weeks and 3 days, I managed to lose 52cm from my body!!!! I also took 1.40 off my 1km running time, and have improved in every test!

I'm pushing myself in the gym in ways I honestly never thought was possible, and today, my trainer was using ME as a selling point to a new client from the gym. She was sprouting off my losses in centimetres, and I heard her tell the client I was a 'hardcore machine'! Me, who wrote on my gym application that I loathed all exercise! Me, who claimed she couldn't do anything - she was talking about me! A hardcore machine!

Today I gave her lip (as I tend to do) and she challenged me to take a run up and down the street with a medicine ball held above my head - she knew I wouldn't resist the challenge..... after about 20 seconds, I really wanted to - but I didn't. When I got back I could see she was surprised that I'd made it, but she was proud. I also am starting to get so many compliments about how healthy I look and how great I look. That is pretty cool too!

Another really cool thing happened this week. This picture is from the Choices flooring ad. I love this ad, it is a woman who is happily dancing through her house to Fat Boy Slim and is caught by her handsome man, who then joins her in her dancing. I really like this ad, and I always wished that I was a happy person like her - I wanted her life, the beautiful house, (the nice floor-coverings) the hot man, and the passion for life that makes you dance through your house.

This week, I realised - I am dancing through life now - I caught myself dancing several times this week, and then thought - I might not have the hot fella, but I'm becoming like the lady from the Choices flooring ad! That is awesome!

SSS & kids nutrition

So today I did a SSS (Super Saturday Session {that burns 1000 cals}) - and it was the first time I did the actual workout from the  program. All I can say is HOLY HECK!!!! It took me a mammoth 2hours and 15mins to complete it, but I did! Part of the reason that I took so long to do the circuit 4 times, is that I had my family with me. We worked out together in the sun, the kids and Mr. CK and I - and it was great. I had to teach the kids how to do most of the exercises, but they did spectacularly!!

There were many times during the SSS that I nearly vomited, and many, many times that I wanted to stop - but I didn't, and that workout, as hard as it was, is possibly the thing I have done in my life that I am the most proud of. I was still so bloody sore from my rowing during the week, and I was quite buggered by the end of the warm up (5 mins of step ups) and really wanted to quit already. My awesome family were there to push me through and encourage me, and that kept me going. I wanted to quit, almost the whole time - the pain was killing me, and my heart rate was so high, all I wanted to do was vomit. But I did it, and I feel awesome!

I think training is like hitting ourselves in the head with a hammer - It feels so damn good when we stop. The difference is, with the hammer, we have a headache all day, with training, you just feel awesome all day!!!

I'm so proud of my family today - we worked our asses off, and we all did the best we could. We working out all the food stuff together, we are training together, we are using the knowledge we gain every day to empower ourselves as individuals and as a family. 

Yesterday, someone told me that I am 'so lucky you can get your kids to eat all the healthy food you eat'. To that I call Bullshit!!!!!!! I have children who eat what I eat because I offer them no choice. I am the adult, they are the children - it is my duty to make sure they are as healthy as they can be, and that starts with what they put in their mouths.

 I'll admit, I am one of those parents who let my children eat McDonalds, KFC and Pizza when they were younger, they were allowed Icy-poles, Lollies, Chips, White Bread and Sugar and Processed Foods. They ate basically the same crap diet that I was eating (minus the coke). The reason that they don't eat any of these things is because the more I educate myself on nutrition, and the more we learn about how to eat well, the less inclined I became to put crap into my body. If it doesn't go into my body, then why the hell would I let my children eat it?

Of course at times there is resistance from them, but they are intelligent people. When they ask for something that is rubbish, something that I won't eat and won't let them eat, I explain to them, like the intelligent people that they are, why they can't have it, and then I offer them a healthy alternative. My children won't go into a McDonalds or KFC with my blessing, they know if they do choose to go of their own volition (as they are getting into their teen/peer-pressure years) that they will be making a bad choice and I'll be disappointed.

Getting my kids onto a really healthy diet, has been a huge amount of work, and I'm quite offended by the notion that it's LUCK that has my kids eating well. It is my hard work and their own intelligence and willpower that has them eating so well. 

I am blessed that now, they are taking the same approach with fitness that they take with nutrition. They have soccer once a week, they accompany me to the gym at least once a week, and SSS is mandatory. The thing that really fills my heart with joy, is that they absolutely slogged their guts out during the session, not because they had to, but because they wanted to. I'm a proud Mum right now!

Food

"I believe that many of the ills and problems which beset modern society can be linked to the processed, mass-produced food we eat. We have to keep asking: What is in the food we buy, how has it been grown, and which pesticides have been sprayed onto it?" - Peter Cundall

I just opened my Gardening Australia Magazine to this quote by GA's former host, he is a personal hero of mine because of his philosophies on food production, as is the new host Costa.  These men display such a passion for gardening and they empower people to grow their own food. I love learning from these men.

Growing my own food is one of the simple joys in my life - and it is making me healthier day by day.

That makes me happy!

Sunshine and happy days

So this rather awful 'selfie' is to show off one of my exciting new items of the day. My lovely friend had this gorgeous top on one of the facebook Buy, Swap & Sell sites. It is a size 14, so I bought it with the hope of fitting into it by the end of the round. IT FITS ME NOW!!!!!! I'll be honest, if it fits me now, it's a very, very generous size 14, but that is what the tag says, and my friend who sold it to me is quite a bit smaller up top so it must have hung off her - all the same, I'm excited. Add to my excitement, the jeans in the pic, which are quite tight - size 16's that I've never fitted into. In January, I was a size 22, and weighed in at 114.9 - when I signed up for 12WBT, I was a size 20 and weighed 107.9. To fit into clothes with 16 & 14 on he label is awesome!!! I've only got 1.8 to get under 100. I haven't been under 100kg since the birth of my daughter Miss J 10 1/2 years ago!

I went for a job interview in my casual attire today - and got the job. It is a cleaning job at a local accommodation place that sleeps up to 120 people. Several years ago, I used to clean offices for a part time job. I am a big believer in moving forward, and I always said I wouldn't go back to cleaning or food service jobs again.

 Then a friend put it into perspective for me -

1. You want to go to Sydney

2. You don't get paid to clean at home!

3. Someone actually wants to pay you to clean for them

4. They want to pay you to burn calories

So ok, this all makes perfect sense to me - and to be honest, I'm not in any way a job snob, but I've worked really hard in the last few years with my study, and I want to feel like I am moving forward with my life, not going back to where I was years ago. However, the job and money suit me well, the people are really nice and totally cool with my need for flexibility because of my study/kids/life. 

If I want to change my field of study to holistic medicine next year (which I'm seriously considering) I will need some serious job flexibility and I think I'll have it here. I also liked the couple who run the place very much, and feel that they could really use a break, they are so tired from running the place 24/7 for many years - them having me will lighten the load. 

I also got an update on my Great-Uncle, he is lucid, his memory is good, and he's got sensation in the fingers on both sides.... He still can't move his hand or arm on the paralysed side, but the doctors say the feeling is very promising. 

So all in all, today is a great day - my clothes fit, I got a job, and my Uncle is doing better. 

Life is just so much better on the days you wake up to a warm sun!

S

Determination

My trainer took this photo of me on the rowing machine. She wanted to be able to see the look on my face. Now I know why. That is what determination looks like. Who would have thought, that I would look like that in a gym!

Major setback

Tuesday, I was so proud of myself, I'd kicked some ass at the gym, come home and done a great yoga session with Miss J and felt fantastic.

When I weighed in yesterday, after WWW (wake, wee, weigh) I had lost 1.2, I was stoked - and I know that ass kicking workout, made the difference in my numbers. Then it was time to get the kids up for school - Master D had been up several times through the night with gastro. His temp was way up... I hate it when he's sick, it doesn't happen often, but it hits HARD and he's very clingy.

I got a phone call from my mother, my great-uncle, had a major stroke, and is now totally paralysed down one side, and Dad's surgery is next week. Nanna (great uncle's twin) is a complete mess, and I'll need to help out with her while Dad's in Melbourne. Aaaaaarrrrrrrgh!!!

I had my Nanna live with me for a year a couple of years back, and it was hard. We had to renovate the house, right down to things like taps (her hands don't work well) and the shower (she couldn't shower herself and we had staff in to do that) and moving furniture to accommodate her walking frame. Looking after her, is a huge amount of work. She had her first heart attack at 50, and has spent the last 42 years declining in health every day. Her quality of life, is crap, and it is very hard to watch someone deteriorate, but continue to make the same lifestyle choices that got them there in the first place.  Her twin brother, is the polar opposite, until only 2 weeks ago, he was waking up, walking 5km to get the paper, grabbing a latte 'down the street' and reading his paper, walking back home. Red wine with dinner, still had his licence, still lived alone and was the picture of good health. He  is who I aspire to be like when I am older, his good health and positive attitude to life, something I hope to emulate. I haven't spent the hugest amount of time with him, but he's my favourite great uncle, and he's an extraordinary man - who I love and respect very much.

A couple of weeks ago, he had a turn, and was told he can't live alone. He was put into nursing care. Tuesday night, he had a major stroke. A stroke has taken out his mother and several siblings, and I'm quite sure it will be the end of my Uncle too. I fear for how my Nanna will cope with the loss, and fear that may be more than she can bear.

My Dad, has been fighting cancer for a few months, and we've been waiting for his surgery date, it's next week, which is good news, but I can't be there with him. I need to be looking after Nanna. Mum will be with Dad, so that is ok, but I wanted to be there too.

So all this news yesterday, while I was looking after my sick boy, was more than I could handle. I hit the chocolate, then for dinner, fish and chips. I think I ate around 2000 calories in junky shit food. I can't believe that at the first sign of trouble I will revert to these patterns. I felt like crap, and completely useless and worthless. What kind of stupid idiot can't see that food isn't going to fix anything. Eating shit food doesn't help me, eating shit food makes me feel like crap! Last night, I was oh-so-sorry for myself. I felt awful, I had pain flare ups, my fibromyalgia wanted to remind me why I shouldn't eat crap. So in addition to being upset, feeling bad for my family, feeling sorry for myself, worrying about what was going to happen - I felt guilty, stupid, worthless and in pain.

The girls in one of the 12WBT support groups were there with wonderful words of support, and I want to thank them all for the good ju-ju, love and positive vibes they sent me. They all know what I'm going through, and many have used food as a crutch at times, so they knew what to say to make me feel less guilty, stupid and worthless - the pain.....fibro isn't as forgiving as friends are!

I stepped on the scales this morning to see what my sugar/salt binge has done, I followed weigh in procedure WWW - I'd put on 1 whole kilo. Gutted! I am hoping that it is some fluid retention because of all the salt I binged on. If it's not, I'm hoping it's lesson learned. I am really needing a good workout, and I'm hoping beating the crap out of the heavy bag might help me deal with some of the emotions.

I want to thank my friends, my online friends, and my 12WBT support friends. The messages, the love without judgement, has been invaluable. Thank-you. x